Thursday, May 07, 2009

I am Aware...

Practicing Anapanasati (mindfulness with breathing) today, I got to the portion about "breathing in, I am aware of my mind..." when it started getting a little sticky (heck, sometimes I don't get nearly that far - yesterday I was fighting off such a crud I didn't get past the body - "breathing in, I feel my whole body, breathing out I calm my whole body. Breathing in, I am aware of the crud in my lungs, breathing out I purify the crud in my lungs...."

But today I made it all the way to the Mind - whoopeee!!...

As I practiced, "breathing in I am aware of my mind... breathing out I make my mind happy... breathing in I concentrate my mind...." It was the concentrate part that caught me - my mind was so bizzy bizzy - endlessly creating, even when I was wishing to calm it for the time being.

Then I became aware of two aspects of the mind - the part that runs on and on, and the intentional mind that I am using in this meditation practice to bring conscious control to how the mind is used. It's this intentional mind that focuses the awareness on the wild mind, that asks it to come home - uniting the two minds as one.

...something so precious in this simple Awareness. So often the thoughts of the wild mind are indeed beautiful, creative, clever and useful. But now I simply wish to bring consciousness - to know when I am thinking these thoughts, and to choose when to think them. So often we swim through life without really knowing what we are doing, feeling, thinking...

But now I choose conscious, ever-present Awareness. It all begins with this simple practice: "breathing in, I am aware that I am breathing in...."

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