Work It!!

I'm always thankful for my morning meditation and pranayama (yogic breathing) practice. Wherever I'm at, it provides an opportunity to sit still and witness, perhaps even transform...

A little background: I'm living in a distinct time of uncertainty. Design jobs are thin, I'm on the brink of a couple big projects/decisions with music, and finances are mighty slim... This morning, as sometimes happens, a veery veeery subtle sensation came over me, with accompanying emotional involvement. The emotion and sensation feel somewhat scary, with a sense of lack of control (like I said, this is very subtle). This morning, I discerned an underlying thought: "I shouldn't feel scared," and I decided to apply Byron Katie's "The Work" to this thought...

[For those of you not familiar, The Work is a series of questions designed to unravel the compulsive patterns our thoughts take, perhaps offering new possibilities - or maybe even a blank slate!]

Here goes...

"I shouldn't feel scared," can you know that's true?... No, I can't

How does it feel when you think the thought, "I shouldn't feel scared?" I feel judgmental on myself, as if I should be stronger, less vulnerable.

Can you think of one reason to drop the thought (and don't try to drop it! {to quote Katie, "we can't drop our thoughts, but they can drop us...") Yes, I would feel kinder to myself, and I would allow myself that sense of vulnerability, of humbleness in the face of the unknown.

Can you think of one stress-free reason to keep the thought? No :-)

Who would you be without the thought, I shouldn't be afraid? I would accept the sweetness of feeling vulnerable, humble, perhaps even in awe of the mystery, the unknown. I would accept that I don't (and can't!) know everything, remembering that it's this unknowing that opens us up to growth.

Turn the phrase around, and see if you can find a reason the turnaround could be as much or more true: "I should feel afraid." Yes, I can see that this is very true. In my experience, fear often comes as a prelude to embracing something vaster, more freeing and amazing, than I could have imagined with my limited awareness. And to open to that unknown, vaster realm, I've had to pass through the gateway of fear - rather than skirt around it or pretend I don't feel it. Fear, even terror, has been a powerful waterfall veiling an unlimited treasure trove of creative inspiration - a purifying fire that we pass through on the way to divine grace.

As you can see - The Work doesn't aim so much to fix our "problems" as it does to untangle the obsessive thoughts that attach themselves to us. By thinking "I shouldn't feel afraid," I was a) placing a judgment on myself (not very nice!), and b) not allowing the gift of that exciting sensation we often call "fear" to fill my heart with its vibrant blessings.

So here, I dive, fearlessly into the unknown...!!!

:-)